HAPPY HALLLOOOOWWEEEENN!!!!

From the electrocuted school girl.

Yield sign dress picture to come...

Who else is freaked out by JL's eyebrows?!?

Philosophizing why Pauly Shore sucks so bad.

I work at a Comedy Club at night. It's pretty interesting to work there. Some people say that stand-up comedians are the new philosophers. I think that holds some truth. It's pretty amazing to see a genius comic at work. Pauly Shore is not one of those genius comics, unfortunately.

As many people can testify, I was oddly pumped to meet Pauly Shore. I guess I wasn't as pumped as Allison, I mean she wanted me to get him to sign a pair of her undies. Anyways, the club was packed with people last night, all anxiously waiting for Pauly Shore's performance. Turns out, he's horrible. His whole set was trashing other celebrities and disgusting sexual humor. After the show, he stood out in the lobby signing autographs, which he charged $10 a signature. He basically used his washed-up celebrity status to grope woman and get trashed. The last thing I saw of Pauly Shore was him stumbling out the door, beer in hand with his shirt half off, yelling at his posse to hurry up. Not really the picture of a philosopher, eh?

Here is your undies, Allison.. you owe me $10

Mad at your boo?

Post your complaint here:
http://www.sorryassbabydaddies.com/NewHome.html

Don't forget to check out the baby daddy listings to make sure your boo ain't listed.

surly mood=cutting work

It's hot. Our small A/C unit in my office window is broken making my office more hellish than it already was. I spilled some crystal light powder on my desk and somehow it got red stuff all over my papers/face/ears. For some reason there is a small child and a dog wandering around our office, both of which I dislike at this moment. In addition, my car is screaming like a banshee every time I start it and my roommate's dog crapped all over the floor this morning, again. Even though these things are all making my life miserable, I have to admit, it's kinda funny. At least I'm not shoeless and locked out of my house in this heat. I will be attending steph and vince's "cut work party" tomorrow.

Shoeless and Hopeless

Yesterday, I came home from work and decided to be productive. or I guess be sanitary, whichever one you prefer. We had fruitflies in our trashcan and lots of them. I have a certain fear of fruitflies because of an incident in 2005 but that's another story. Anyways, I took the whole trashcan outside to be washed down by the hose. Unlocking all the doors, I ran over to the alley. When I returned, all the doors had been locked and no one was home. I was in a pickle. I had no shoes, no cell phone, no keys. hmm. I walked the seven or eight blocks to Rebecca's house with no shoes on and rang the door bell several times but no one answered. hmmm. I walked back, spotting 2 guys that I don't really know but I've seen around. Running after them, I yelled "hey, can I use your cell phone?!?" I looked like a crazy person, for sure. Called my roommate, but she didn't answer. I went back to my house to sit and wait. I contemplated shimmying up a pole and swinging myself over on the roof but that would have surely led to death. I actually thought "Dang, why can't I be spiderman? He probably never gets locked out!" Since I was supposed to be at Steph's house at this point, I could almost hear her saying sarcastically, "oh where is Megan? Maybe she doesn't want to conform to other people's time schedule." After an hour or two, I got in. Lesson learned: I will no longer care about fruitflies in the trashcan.

Post Script: Allison sent me pictures of her intern. showing his muscles off. can we say abusing power? ha.

Big Apple

On July 1st, 2006, Lindsey Bailey Harris and Megan Marie Barnes were scheduled to depart on a chinatown bus at 11:00 am. Destination: New York City. Unfortunately, Megan was still lying in her bed at 10:30. After repetative calls from Lindsey, she rushed to get ready. Upon walking out the door she found Lindsey in a stern mood.

But after giving her this look, she couldn't stay mad for long:

Their bus ride there was enjoyable. They talked about how excited they were to hit the big city:

  

The chinatown bus dropped them off at a random corner. They rushed to get out and then found Lara (Lindsey's friend) in the Italian market:

It was a hot day, so megan ran through sprinklers while lindsey took pictures (Megan also tackled little boy with red shirt on):

  

But really most their time was spent relaxing and drinking a few beers or being lost and looking at a map:


  

  

They did get stuck walking down a deserted alley, as co-workers had predicted (see their worried looks):


  

  

The ride back was a little scary due to an incident involving the chinatown bus bathroom:


  

They finally arrived home and Lindsey takes a picture of herself:


  

Ahhhh... what a way to spend the day for two small town girls.

the scissors meet their maker

I decided my hair was impossible in this kind of humidity, it was time for a hair cut. I announced my decision to have my hair cut over lunch at the office and this immediately grabbed the attention of all of my co-workers. They decided in order for me to make the proper hairstyle decision, they should each do some research and make a powerpoint presentation outlining which hairstyle I should choose and why. At 3:30, their presentations were due and we sat around my computer while they each talked through why their style was the best. My boss even got in on it. Can you tell how bored we all get??

After carefully thinking through all of the options, I arrived at the salon. Rebecca (who is very stylish and hip) had recommended this place so I was expecting a very exciting scene (I even worried about what I should wear to my appointment). Turns out it's just one middle-aged guy running this place. He didn't really look like a typical hair stylist. I started getting worried.

Stylist: So what do you want?
Me: I don't really know, there are a few options....
Stylist: Let's cut it all off
Me: hmm..ok!

I started getting more worried. This guy was the definition of a guerilla hairstylist. He didn't explain anything, he just went at it! Cutting and brushing and fixing like a maniac. I don't think it turned out so bad.

Before:
  
After:
  

word fun!

Check this out: http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/100_funniest_words.html
I think I'm a callipygian girl but I could just be bloviating.

Conversations with 13 year olds

Yo mama is so fat that when she went to swim in the ocean, all the whales came out and started singing "We are FAM-I-LY, you're still fatter than me"

office blues

Does anyone else feel out of it all day if they don't shower in the morning? I know I do. It feels like I can't see right and I don't think I ever fully wake up no matter how much coffee I try to gurgle down. This phenomenon only takes place when I'm in an office environment though. Otherwise, I'm completely functional without showering for days, not that I do that or anything.

Dang! That watermelon is tough!

I was selling these flowers in this huge park in Philadelphia today, which is funny for two reasons 1) I hate talking to people 2) I don't know anything about flowers.

Lady: Excuse me miss, what kind of flowers are these?
Me: ummm... red ones
Lady: Well do you know if they should be in the shade or get direct sunlight?
Me: umm...i don't think they'll get sunburnt if that's what you're askin.

So after a few of these lovely interactions, my flower shop partner told me to take a break because I was scaring off the customers. While I was walking around I heard some loud shouting so I turned around to see what was happening. Turns out this girl was giving out sample watermelon bubble gum. She gave some gum to a homeless dude and the homeless guy was pretty upset about the flavor of gum. He slammed down the handful of gum and shrieked "this isn't what I wanted!!" That was just the beginning of their shouting match that continued on for quite a bit. The funniest part was that there was a guy dressed up as a huge watermelon standing behind the shouting girl bobbing up and down. That watermelon really got her back! Maybe I should hire a watermelon to follow me around in order to emphasize my points. Anyway, the scene gathered quite a few people until it ended by the watermelon telling the bum to go drink another beer. The crowd dispersed and went on their merry way and I ran back to my flower stand to tell my flowerstand mates.

---------------------------

Allison's Question of the Week:

Losers don't title their posts

Megan's top six list of most hated things: (In the past week)

1) The process of getting a new driver's license.
2) Gumdrops (wink, wink Allison!)
3) People who always complain.
4) Sitting in an office.
5) Tomato juice
6) I really hate that cartoon beetle juice. I used to have really scary nightmares about that guy on a regular basis. I don't trust him.

I used to strongly dislike allison because she would steal my weird stuff animal with hooks and throw it around. She would also make fun of me endlessly and she used to sit on top of my face often. Now to get back at her, I call her office and interrupt by making random statements.

Megan's top list of most liked things: (In the past week)

1) Getting picture messages of close-ups of steph's face
2) Riding my bike on a nice day
3) The back-up deoderant in the bathroom at work (It has saved my behind quite a few times)
4) Talking to my dad about getting me a banjo
5) Buying groceries after going 6 or 7 months without buying groceries!!
6) Boiling a dozen eggs for no other reason besides I was bored
7) Sure, why not? The lollipop I had earlier can make it on this list

I used to really like skittles when I was little. I used to eat like a pound bag in less than a day. I was always really hyper. I think it was all the sugar. Now it's just coffee.

Just a little light into my world.

It's the little things...

Since my life has gotten a little bit back on the normal side (is that possible?), I have made sure to take the time to sit in parks, take walks, eat lots of ice cream, etc... Yesterday, it was all the normal scenes in the park which includes hippies on their blankets, mommas and their babies, business people and their cell phones, bums and their paperbags (generalizations are fun). My eyes were scanning the area when they happened upon a young gentleman that didn't look any poorer than the average West Phillyite. In fact, he was kind of cute, until he started digging in a trash can to pick out whatever food he could shovel into his mouth. He scored big, pulling out a huge plastic bag of popcorn. He was obviously well-pleased with himself too-by the expression on his face. Apparantly, a business man power-walking through the park was also impressed by the dude's trash findings because he stopped talking on his cell phone to pat the guy on the back and exclame "good score!" To make this even funnier, the guy replied back "Thanks, man." Both then proceeded to walk their seperate ways. I don't know why, but I thought it was the funniest human interaction I'd seen in a really long time. No wonder those hippies sit on their blankets for so long in the park....

New Goals

Dear readers,

I have decided that I am qualified for the position of taking over the world. I feel that I am a candidate for this position because of my hard work ethic and my candidness. I also am a great manipulator. Please comment below on why you should be part of my "taking over the world team" and I will consider it. I do need someone on the team that makes really great coffee.

Love,

Captain Megan

tom foolery

Since this place is bubbling with inactivity, I have been forced to post this:

taking a moment to brag...

So I think it's really important to tell people about your accomplishments. If you all have to listen to me moan and complain about all that is upside down with the world than you should have to listen to my good days too. I think it is really important to be positive so here's a little success story:

For my day job, I am coordinating a campaign for my non-profit. The point of the campaign is to unite all the busitness development organizations in Philadelphia that sustain and support entrepreneurs. The second main goal is to educate the public about the importance of entrepreneurship and its role in revitalizing neighborhoods. This is a first year campaign and when I first started nothing was together. We had no sponsors, no events planned, no planning committee, no participants etc.. pretty much nothing but an idea. Today we hit the goal for the amount of money we wanted to raise! In fact, we have too much money we don't even know where to use it. We have 25 representatives on our planning committee, 300 participating businesses, and 15 events during the week! I get tons of e-mails and phone calls everyday from people who are dying to be apart of the event in someway. It's crazy, we even got the mayor to back the event. I remember in the beginning, I was really doubting my ability to pull this off.. I felt overwhelmed and underexperienced. I really surprise myself sometimes. Of course, I have gotten really lucky at times and I have an amazing boss and co-workers who make it impossible to fail. I am so excited about the campaign, I can hardly think about anything else!!!

I know this is a break from my regular tom-foolery but I'm working on growing some emotions, so back off! haha.

New Jersey Sucks

and so do my directional skills. I've accidently gone over that stupid bridge that takes you to New Jersey so many times. But the worst part about going over that bridge is that they make you pay when you come back across, even when you try to convince the toll booth lady that you were only over for a second on the account of being lost. What's even worse is that the toll booth lady doesn't accept articles of clothing or scratched CD's as payment either. That means that when I accidently cross the bridge, I have to find an ATM because I never have cash on me. I know it's a conspiracy, I just need some proof....

Embarrassing moments

I would just like to share with you one of my many embarassing moments. Today was just another day at work (which involves Myspace, checking this website a billion times, and googling my name and co-workers names) until I pulled out pizza that was "leftovers" and ate it for lunch. I was thinking about the next name I would google when my executive director comes storming in demanding to know who ate her pizza. So I did what every person would do and blamed it on my unaware co-worker.

New Years

I have decided to become a pirate ninja in the year 2006.