Give it back, sucka

Grrr! Crazy Evil Smiling Asian Baby Monkey keeps grabbing my cursor! I hate him! Hate him!

I love my readers

I'm so excited about the response I've received from everyone about the books! I've been researching most of them and some of them sound great or interesting anyway. Please keep the suggestions coming! I'm into any genre except sci-fi.

Making sure she was dead

And wouldn't that just be the icing on the cake? To be shot after your dead while lying in your casket? In Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, a dead woman was hit in the pelvis by a stray bullet before mourners ran off in a panic. They didn't even remove the bullet afterwards. What's the point? They probably dumped the casket 6 feet under and got outta there. Crazy stuff. I'd need therapy if I witnessed something like that.

Reconciliation at last

Aww! Nothing like a little Bush-bashing to bring two feuding artists together. Moby has a newfound respect for Eminem since the latter talks about rocketing Bush off to fight his own war. Personally, I think they're both jackasses. (Sorry, Kim.) But how nice. And really. I'm so glad stories like this get national media coverage.

Looking for a good book

I realize I can be a stuck-up snob when it comes to books. I normally snub contemporary authors, but I'm making an attempt to expand my horizons. I recently finished two fantastic contemporary novels: Atonement by Ian McEwan and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Both were beautifully written and non-formulaic. Both made me feel something. Ian McEwan is one of the best contemporary writers I've read. Both of these books were based on tragic events, yet Alice Sebold wraps her book up in a pleasing fashion at the end. I like happy endings and have always avoided books and movies without closure. Atonement is somewhat less settling than The Lovely Bones, jarring instead, but it was my favorite of the two.

I know there are good books out there but I don't really know where to find them. Steph and Vince just bought me a subscription to Bookmarks Magazine which I'm thrilled about. But it'll be a few weeks yet until I get an issue, so I'm looking for book recommendations. I know a few of you are very well-read so I'm leaving it in your hands.

Please! Don't leave this page without leaving me a comment!

Ew... No thank you

After reading about this mom who hosted sex parties and provided drugs and alcohol for high school students, I asked my mom why she wasn't "cool" like that. "You could have been The Cool Mom," I said. "How come you didn't do those kind of things when we were in high school?"

"Would you like me to start?" she offered.

The thought of my mom trying to score some drugs is hilarious.

Altogether now... Let's shoot ourselves in the foot

I so very rarely write about current events or politics on here anymore. It's because I'm lazy and I'm a poor writer of serious things. The combination of the two makes writing anything serious a long painstaking task.

But I'm feeling inspired today, especially after reading Oliver North's commentary in the Washington Times about anti-military sentiment. Folks, do you ever feel like the U.S. is going straight to hell?

Get a load of this:

[The] glorification of the military ignores the fact that most positive change in the United States has come from people standing up to the government, big corporations, and other forms of organized violence and crime.

This lovely quote was taken directly from the anti-military screed called "A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste: A Guide to the Demilitarization of America's Youth and Students" that was handed out to guests at the Campus Progress National Student Conference, hosted by the Center for American Progress. (I almost applied for a job there once until I figured out I'd rather cut myself.) Also contained in this publication were tips on how to protest the military.

Other publications handed out suggest that young people in poor communities are targeted by the military because the government doesn't value their lives. And here's the most precious:

The $600-plus billion the U.S. spends each year on maintaining a huge warmaking machine cuts into the things that really matter to young people -- education, the environment, the arts. Our schools are thrown open to military recruiters while the money needed to buy books, maintain buildings, and pay teachers is dwindling.

[Our military is] about sacrificing what makes us human for the powers of force and violence. ... We hold that the strength of a democracy comes from its free and democratic institutions, not its capacity for violence.

While that's sure a sweet idea, it's massively unrealistic. It won't really matter how much we spend on education if, God forbid, we're overthrown by radical terrorist groups and Hilary Clinton is forced to wear a burqa. Sure, we could raise a nation of young artists and scientists and pay teachers like athletes, but what good is that if we don't have our freedom? My point here is that the military serves a purpose. The world respects power. Until an army of students scoring 1600 on their SATs takes over a country, I'll just as soon have that $600 billion go to the "warmaking machine" called the U.S. military.

Despite the insanity of the military protesters, all service branches are meeting or exceeding their numbers for re-enlistment. That's good news.

This post is dedicated to Allen. :)

Sweet rejection

Yesterday, I finally heard back from an organization where I had applied for a job... A job I really would have liked... A job I've been waiting to hear about for months. REJECTION! Booo. So I'm officially job-hunting again. I decided to drown my sorrows in a swift bout of errand-running. Nothing says "who needs that job anyway" like a trip to the dry cleaners, the bank, and the gas station. Starbucks was on the way so I did the real sorrow-drowning in a Frappacino. Then I biked three miles to burn off the calories. Look what rejection does to me. It makes me productive!

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Track of the day: "Sweet Baby James" by James Taylor

I'll always have the veggie platter

I took the day off work yesterday and drove up to Philadelphia to visit my sister and brother-in-law at their new house. They just moved out of a two-bedroom apartment into a spacious house complete with 3 or 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a den, a Florida room, and a big backyard with a pool. Not to mention a full unfinished basement. I think they have plenty of room now. And when word gets out they have a pool, they'll have plenty of friends too.

I had to go up and check out the new digs for myself, and I definitely approve of their living situation. The best part about it is that it's all on one level AND they have a guest room on the main floor. That means I'll be spending some significant time there. When they lived in their apartment, my wheelchair couldn't make it up the flights of stairs to even visit for the day.

While Steph scoured the kitchen cabinets, I ridiculed the kitchen wallpaper. Then I drove us the ridiculously long way into the city to pick up Megan, who came in particularly useful at Target where big objects had to be carried.

What breaks my heart is what I'm missing out on by being in this wheelchair. I'm fairly useless when it comes to packing and unpacking boxes and lifting furniture. I'm family. I'm supposed to help. And yet I feel like I'm more of a burden who sits in the way. Sure, I can offer advice and suggestions, but that's about it. It makes me very sad. I have to literally fight back tears at the thought of how limiting my lifestyle is... How I can't spontaneously jump on a plane to attend one of my best friend's weddings... How I can't visit my sisters without some serious fore-thought and planning. I know there is no sense in getting maudlin about it. This was the hand I was dealt. But try as I may, I can't stop thinking about what might have been.

Despite my whining, I can still cut veggies to make a mean veggie platter. It may take me twice as long as anyone else, but feast your eyes upon the beauty:

Sailing to Philadelphia

Off to Philly. Be back tomorrow.

My platform is world peace

Hey! If you've read my previous post's comments, you've noticed that I was somehow nominated for Sam Johnson's prestigious Miss RSJS. And I LOVE his post headline right over my picture. "Do I look like I'm jokin'?" Ha! That's right. I don't joke, fool! Flattering, yes. But I'm not sure I'm qualified for such an honorable position. Would such a person hold a wine glass between her toes? I think not. Would such a person lick chocolate off the front of her shirt? Scrape dirt out from beneath her fingernail with a stapler remover? How foul. But if you answered yes to any of these questions, I expect you to vote for me. Can I list Miss RSJS candidate on the Awards part of my resume?

I am not one to belittle anyone's birthday gift to me, but my friend Beverly gave me a gift yesterday that still has me smiling. There in the gift bag was a pair of cute, brown flip-flops, a bag of gummy bears, and two bars of fabulous Espresso Infused Dark Chocolate. I was thrilled until I noticed that the bag of gummy bears had been opened and the chocolate had been previously melted. "Oh, one of my kids probably opened to gummy bears and I left the chocolate in the trunk of my car for 5 hours last night." I ain't too proud to eat melted chocolate, especially if it's dark chocolate that tastes like espresso. And I like the flip-flops. Thanks, Bev. Now keep your crazy children away from my gummy bears.

Check out South Park Allie. (Link via Osbasso. Make your own here.) My new hair cut looks exactly like this. It's a trainwreck. Really, would Miss RSJS have a hair cut like this?

Happy birthday to me

Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! I keep telling people I turn 28, but I'm a whole year ahead of myself. I'm only 27! Yay! Now I feel young.

I took the day off work and spent the whole day shopping with Becky at IKEA. And I didn't buy anything but 2 baskets. The people at work threw a surprise party for me yesterday by telling me my manager was calling a quick staff meeting. So I went into the conference room to find a bunch of people I hardly know wishing me well. Please. They just came for the ice cream cake. It was a nice surprise though.

I'm sending a big hug out to Reb, who sent me an Amazon package with a DVD and a book in it! Yay! I'm always astounded at the thoughtfulness of my online friends.

The All-New Sesame Street

Anyone who grew up on Sesame Street will enjoy this illustration about The All-New Sesame Street. My favorite part:

After destroying several garbage cans due to his rage issues, Oscar receives a more modern plastic garbage container. Sadly though, the new receptacle has an air-tight lock designed to keep a newly homeless Ernie out. Oscar suffocates and the neighbourhood must now figure out how to properly mourn someone they really didn't like.

Too old, too soon

I totally thought these were dolls until I looked closer. Nah-uh. It's that crazy Jon Benet Ramsey stuff.

I'm not a butt-watcher

I've discovered that people are typically afraid to walk in front of me. Especially at work. When someone hears me behind them, they usually glance over their shoulder and then stop and step to the side to let me pass, even if I'm 15 feet behind. It drives me crazy. Despite the occasional desire, just because I'm in a wheelchair does not mean I'm going to run into them. Allowing me to pass only implies to me that I cannot be trusted to travel at a controlled pace like every other walking human on the planet. Despite appearances, I can manage to regulate my speed.

At work this morning, an exterminator noticed I was behind him and he looked over his shoulder about 5 times before he finally stopped and let me pass him. I was telling my coworker about this pet peeve of mine when she offered up an entirely new reasoning.

"People don't want you looking at their butts when they walk," she said. "Ever thought of that?" I hadn't. But I freely admit: I have a great view of everyone's posterior. It's eye-level for me. It's just one of the many perks of being in a wheelchair ranking right up there with poor self-esteem and swollen feet.

Perhaps the people who step aside are really doing so out of their own self-awareness and discomfort. I need to find that exterminator and tell him he has nothing to be ashamed about.

Look away!

If I'm running errands, sometimes I'll take Zeke with me. He LOVES going for car rides, not because he's anything like a normal dog who enjoys sticking his head out the window or any of that. No, he's not normal at all. He just likes to be with me. The most exciting part for him is when he figures out he can come with me and starts running around the garage in circles. Once he gets in the van, he's not really sure what to do.

My friend Mike and I went to Starbucks the other day. I had to have my weekly Frappaccino Light, which has actually become my every-other-day Frappaccino Light due to the extremely hot and humid weather we've been having lately. You have no idea how much of my paycheck goes to gourmet coffee drinks. It's scandelous. SCANDELOUS. It's so obvious I have money to burn. But getting back on track here... I brought Zeke along with us to Starbucks and, while Mike went in, Zeke and I sat out in the van watching people. A middle-aged lady walked out of the coffee shop and sat down at a table in front of us. When she saw Zeke, she smiled and waved at him. At least I think she was waving at him. She wasn't waving at me like that...Nooooo. People don't typically do that.

"So what?" you're asking yourself right now. (So what, indeed. Poor Allison has run out of interesting things to write about, that's what.) Well, it would've been kind of charming if that was all it was. A simply smile and wave to a cute dog. But it didn't end there. A minute later, she stood to her feet and waved again. I smiled broadly back at her. And then she walked around in a circle and waved again. And then again.

And again.
Again.
Again!
Oh, the humanity! Again!

I stopped smiling after the third wave. Stop waving at my dog, you crazy lady! Don't you have somewhere to go?! Meanwhile, Zeke was on my lap staring at her as if she was a giant, undulating sausage. Look away, Zeke! Avoid all eye contact!

Finally, Mike came out with the coffee. He sat in the passenger's side and we both stared straight ahead sipping our coffee. The lady stood up and performed her Waving Jig for the 20th time. Mike waved back and informed me that no decent conversation was to be had while the Waver was present. So we drove around the corner and finished our coffee in peace. I have no doubt that, if we were still parked in that same spot today, the Waver would still be waving.

*Yeah, I know. That's a weird picture of me.

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Track of the day: "Persuasion" by Richard Thompson

When it rains, it pours

Poor Kim! She is leaving this afternoon to travel to Florida for her wedding this weekend. But after the bombings in England yesterday, she's sure to face a few difficulties with transportation. And if that isn't bad enough, Hurricane Dennis may crash the festivities. Although it may not be funny now, at least this all will make a good story.

African Padauk

Check out this guy's carved wooden iPod cover. I like a man who's good with a rotary tool.

Nice haircut, dork

One of the reasons why I love my youngest sister Megan is because she takes crazy pictures of herself with her phone and emails them to my work address. I forwarded the picture below to my coworker Pam who responded by saying something to the effect of her looking like a celebrity she forgot the name of. Hmmm. I don't see it... Trudie Styler? Oh, sorry. That's more like my haircut. Eeek.

Another reason I love her is because her erratic life makes me feel better about my own. ;-)

Book Review: True Believer

I just finished reading Nicholas Sparks book True Believer and now I know why I have a tendency to stick to the classics. It was really cheesy. It was the first Nicholas Sparks book I've read and I can say without doubt, it'll be the last. I'm a big fan of the movies "A Walk to Remember" and "The Notebook," so I had great hopes for this book. Instead, I found the writing too play-by-play. But I can see how these books make good movies. It's all right there for the screenwriters.

I can't believe a man writes these mushy books! Seems funny to me.