Scary dolls

Eeeeek! These dolls give off a very Nightmare-Before-Christmas vibe. And these are downright freaky! If I got one of these in the mail, I'd worry about my safety.

Poopstravaganza

Note to the thief who stole poop from a woman walking her dog: Please step into my backyard and don't forget to bring a very large bag. You can have as much of Zeke's feces as you can carry.

Ode To Dark Chocolate

Looky, I'm drooling
All over my clean keyboard
Dark chocolate rocks!

Mixing politics and religion

Have I mentioned before how pissed off I get when people invite agenda-pushing politicians into church? Here's my favorite exploiter Rev. Jesse Jackson preaching at Riverside Church:

"Whose god is God? There is a profound theological debate in our nation tonight about the nature and character of God. . . . Today the Congress reconvenes to save a woman — Terri Schiavo — from starving to death, but then votes to starve millions every day. Whose god is God? They fight to save the fetus, and then starve the babies. Whose god is God?"

Getting ready

Eh. I haven't posted since last Wednesday! Shocking! I guess it's because I haven't been doing anything interesting lately besides getting ready to move. I always feel a little weird about posting about trying to choose good paint colors and tile samples. Really, it's all very boring. It wouldn't be so dull if I were contemplating painting my bedroom a sexy red or neon green, but then I would have to kill myself because those colors would drive me crazy.

Yesterday, I sorted through old boxes I had stashed away in the attic. Junk. I can't believe the junk I had stored away. In the midst of it all, I found a sketch book I kept in college. I used to draw random things and jot down song lyrics and thoughts. (It wasn't a diary. I've never really kept a diary. This weblog is about the closest I'll ever get to a diary. I suppose the main difference is that this is viewable to the public whereas diaries are supposed to contain secret thoughts that would lead to a slow and mortifying death if ever discoved by another person. Why on earth would someone write down personal feeling if they didn't want them read? The whole concept is just ridiculous.)

Reading from this sketch book was fascinating though. I had forgotten that there was a time in my life that I hadn't had another care in the world besides the failure of a test or drama from a relationship gone bad.

Kids today

I went out to dinner tonight at Glory Days with Kim and her fiancee John. Shortly after we were seated, a group of ten high school girls sat at the table directly beside us. The lights above our tables were slightly flickering and they were a little annoying so the girls table requested that they be turned off altogether. So without even asking us, the management turned our light completely off. I've never eaten at a restaurant in the dark before and I've come to the conclusion that I prefer to see what I'm shoveling in my mouth.

The snippets of conversation coming from their table involved a lot of "Do you have my cellphone number" and "Call my cell." I officially feel like an old fogey because, back in my high school days, nobody had cell phones. In fact, when I was in college, very few people had cell phones. Now, you can't get away from them. Four-year-olds have cell phones! And who exactly are they calling?!

Speaking of feeling old, I remember actually having to flip through a real encyclopedia to get info on a subject. None of this google/wikpedia stuff. Kids have it so easy now. I just have to keep reminding myself that all that page-flipping made me a better person. PAGE-FLIPPING BUILDS CHARACTER.

Beverly hates my coffee!

My friend Beverly wants me to take a survey...

What kind of coffee do you drink? What kind of coffee has the best flavor for the value? What's the worst coffee?

*UPDATE* - I had no idea so many coffee connoisseurs frequent my site. Or shall I say snobs...? ;-)

Smokin'!

I get such a kick out of knowing that people are coming to my site by searching for "hot girls in wheelchairs."

Oh, so amusing

"It's this reality. Like omigod, I have to tell the maid to buy diapers and get the pool boy to walk the dog? Can't I just make out with Kevin all the time? Being married sucks."

-- Britney Spears, complaining in Allure magazine about her grueling life as a stepmother to Kevin Federline's two kids.

Overheard

After hearing a group of people in my office talking, I'm fairly certain there are at least two common chores in a household that are most complained about: (1) Loading the dishwasher and (2) taking out the garbage.

One fact people may not know is that there is a certain way to load the dishwasher. According to my co-worker Anne, her husband must stand there and think, "What is the stupidest place I could possible put this dish?" Just because you're loading the dishwasher doesn't mean you're doing it The Right Way. And don't ever make the mistake of thinking you're helping out by loading the dishwasher because, chances are, you're loading it wrong and the owner of The Right Way will always come behind you and reload it. In my household, the owner is Mom and if you put that knife in there or don't rinse that plate first, SHE'LL KNOW.

Second, the action of taking out the garbage consists of more than just removing the bag. One must always ensure there is another bag in it's place or utter chaos will ensue.

Bills

We are moving into our new house in about a month, but for some odd reason, our cable Internet provider decided to turn our service off on St. Patrick's Day. Interesting. So I can't check my email until it's turned back on. Yesterday, I thought I'd take the opportunity to read a book or clean my desk off...maybe do something productive since I had no Internet or TV. Of course nothing like that happened. I ended up watching The Incredibles and paying bills. So my desk is still a mess and I have no money in my checking account.

Speaking of paying bills, I somehow always neglect to save the return envelope that comes with the bill. I hate...HATE...having to track down the address and scrounge around for a business-sized envelope. As a result, all my outgoing payments look like personal letters with my messy cursive addresses on the front and tape all over the back. Soon I'll start putting cute little stickers on all my bills.

Books

Apparently, my site has become really dull and contentless because every time a meme goes Jeremy Gilby's way, he passes it along to me. So here goes...

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
Ugh. What a dumb question. I don't want to be a book.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
This questions requires more thought than I'm prepared to give it. But I guess I'll say Michael Hosea in "Redeeming Love." Or maybe the witty Sir Robert in "An Ideal Husband." What a hard question! I fall so easily for fictional characters!

The last book you bought is:
"Ireland" by Frank Delaney. I have this terrible habit of buying books faster than I can read them. So as a result, I've got a long queue. This is at the end.

The last book you read:
"The Pirates on the Chesapeake" by Donald G. Shomette

What are you currently reading?
Uhhhh...
1. "A Travel Guide to Heaven" by Anthony DeStephano
2. "Blessings" by Anna Quindlen
3. "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Phillip Yancy

Five books you would take to a deserted island:
1. "Pride and Prejudice" by Jane Austen because I've read it a million times and have never gotten tired of the story or the language.
2. My Professional ASP.NET 1.1 book because it's almost 1400 pages and I'd probably never work my way through it even if I was on the island for 18 years. I'd read it every night to put myself to sleep.
3. "How to Survive Anything, Anywhere," by Chris McNab because I'll need some practical advice if I'm stuck on an island.
4. I'd bring the Bible because it's a long, long book and one I wouldn't mind committing to memory.
5. "The Complete Sherlock Holmes" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?
Anyone who wants it can have it.

Drink wine

Just a gentle recommendation...

Yellow Tail 2004 Shiraz-Cabernet Sauvignon ($7; Australia): Just a few years after its entry to the U.S. market, Australia's Yellow Tail is now the top-selling imported wine. The latest addition to its lineup, this explosively fruity blend of 60 percent shiraz and 40 percent cabernet sauvignon, suggests why. It's a knockout best buy. The grapes come from the New South Wales region of Australia, a moderately warm region that produces plump, fruity wines. They are expertly vinified by Casella Wines, a quality-conscious, family-owned winery with state-of-the-art facilities. The firm cabernet sauvignon grape is used to provide a proper backbone, while the shiraz billows out with oodles of fresh red berry and cassis fruit. The result is an exuberant but balanced wine that will appeal to casual and serious wine drinkers alike. It could go well with classic bistro food, such as steak and french fries, sausages or chicken in wine.

What's wrong with people?

This morning, Brian sent me an email asking me if I'd seen this Save Toby site. Sick! Send me money or I'll kill and eat my pet bunny?! That's blackmail! Extortion! Well, I'm broke. I just got a $1,500 hospital bill. So as far as I'm concerned, Toby will have to take his chances with the rest of the Internet community. Brian, did you donate? Do you really want bunny blood on your hands?

*UPDATE - Brian thinks I should put up a Save Zeke the Weenie Dog website in a similar fashion so I could rake in the big dough. After all, people would certainly be more sympathetic to the pleas of Zeke over some silly rabbit. But I'm not sure I could entertain the possibility of eating Zeke, even in jest.

What I should do is get a photo of Brian and declare that I will eat him unless people give me $10,000. Would Brian look pathetic enough for people to want to save? Would I be arrested for threatening to kill and devour an engineer with poor communication skills? An interesting question indeed.

Suggestions?

I need to buy a new digital camera. I don't need anything super-fancy, but I want it to take quality photos. Any suggestions? What kind of camera do you have?

No Title

I am supposed to be learning .NET at work but I'm hopelessly lost. But that reminds me... I'd really like to start using CSS more for my layouts.

Oh, to have her problems

"Desperate Housewives" Eva Longoria on being too pretty:

"I always have this problem at photo shoots, when all of [the 'Desperate Housewives' cast members] are together," she chirps in the April issue of Marie Claire. "I'll get the least attention. [The photographers or stylists will say], 'She'll look good in anything.' Or, 'Oh, she doesn't need the best lighting, because she'll look good in any light.' I'm like, 'No, I need help, too!'"

Some people don't understand what problems really are.

Extreme measures

A man loses his fingers and toes to frostbite after illegally crossing into Canada on foot to meet his Internet girlfriend. Now that's love. Hopefully, she won't dump him now for being digitless.

Quote of the Day

"Looks like Star Jones hung out her pantyhose to dry."

-- Johnny Carson's longtime lead writer on the "Tonight" show, Ray Siller, telling friends what he thought of "The Gates" in Central Park, as reported by the New York Post.

Um...okay

The best comments-spam I've ever gotten said "nice site...get a load of my fancy balls."

Hahaha!

Note: My friend Beverly didn't understand this until I sang "Three Blind Mice" to her this morning. I thought everyone knew that song, but that'll teach me to make assumptions.

Share-a-Smile Allie

My sister Steph and bro-in-law Vince came down to visit this weekend and we went to Best Buy and bought stuff and then spent an hour or so in Barnes & Noble. Later that night, we dusted off the Trivial Pursuit Millenium Edition board game and I proceeded to thoroughly trounce both Steph and Vince AND my parents. Apparently I was smart last night...and brimming with useless information. I never win in Trivial Pursuit, not even when I team up with other people.

Here's one of the funniest questions asked last night: What is the name of the handicapped Barbie doll whose wheelchair is too large to fit through the Barbie Dream House? Answer: Share-a-Smile Becky. What kind of dumb name is that? Does Becky wheel around sharing smiles? Why doesn't Barbie herself have a stupid description attached to the front of her name...like Surgically Enhanced Barbie or Swinging Single Barbie? But I guess that's beside the point. I think it's funny that she can't visit Barbie at her house. But isn't that the way it is? I can't visit a lot of my friends in their own home. Steps are the enemy.

Never in a million years did I think a company would have to defend the accessibility of A DOLL HOUSE. "This is the first fashion doll that comes in a wheelchair and it's a new initiative for us," said a Mattel spokesperson. "Dream House has been out for years and two of the three houses are accessible." Well that's comforting. I can rest easy knowing smiling Becky can and will be able to visit her doll friend in the future. Sheeesh.

Here's another little amusing quote on Share-a-Smile Becky:

I also discovered that paraplegic Becky has flat (right-angled) feet so she is able to stand on her own. Barbie, the able-bodied doll, has feet shaped to fit high heeled shoes so she cannot stand on her own. A person with feet like Barbie would be considered disabled. I think there's a moral to this tale, perhaps people with disabilities are better grounded in reality than able-bodied folk.

Perhaps. Share-a-Smile Becky is old news though. I still didn't know the answer, but I'm ready for the question next time.

Lucky us!

Now we can see exactly what's really in Paris Hilton's hacked cellphone!

The switch

I finally decided to dump Rolling Stone a few months ago because I was getting sick of turning a blind eye to all their amazingly liberal "invesigative journalism." There is much about the magazine that I really liked, namely the movie and music reviews and the Random Notes and Overheard sections. But I am cursed to be extremely principled, and was irked that I was supporting such crap, so I canceled my subscription.

Stephanie must have sensed my dismay because, shortly after I canceled, she bought me a subscription to Paste Magazine, an independently-published music magazine. I love it! It has the music and movie reviews, plus interviews with musicians and new groups, AND they throw in a free sampler CD with every issue. And, best of all, no political agenda is pushed.

Wishing I was this clever

While I think Ann Coulter is clever and quick-witted, she's not my favorite columnist. In fact, I think she's crazy. I agree with much of what she has to say but I don't always like her methods of getting the point across. Nevertheless, her writing always amuses me.

The Reliable Source in the Washington Post reports on a contest the Center for American Progress sponsored recently called "Name Ann Coulter's Next Book." Say what you will about her politics, Ann Coulter knows how to name a book. Her previous best-sellers were named "Treason: Liberal Treachery From the Cold War to the War on Terrorism" and "Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right." Here are a few results from the contest:

"Roosevelt: Wheelchair-Riding, America-Hating Terrorist"

"Help: I'm Out of Liberal People, Places and Organizations to Hate"

"Pander: How Character Assassination and Name-Calling Will Make You Popular and Rich"

Clever enough. But the really amusing part of the article is Coulter's response to the contest. "Well, at least now they're trying to be funny, a welcome change from all the vomiting and fainting after the election season," she wrote via email. And then she volunteered a few potential titles herself:

"Tuesdays With Morons"

"The Five People You Meet in Line at the Welfare Office"

"It Takes a Village to Raise a Kid With A.D.H.D., Rage Issues, and an Eating Disorder"

"Their Eyes Were Watching God and Banning Him From Public Schools"

"The Dan Rather Code"

"He's Just Not That Into Jews: The George Soros Story"

Heh.

Snow