Smokin' Hot

New design. :)

What's in a name?

This name thing is kinda cool. My name was the 45th most popular girls name in 2003.

Attention fellas!

Possibly one of the most unattractive features in a man is long fingernails. *Shudder*

Out of dough

Right now it's snowing outside. Let it snow.

I've been having power steering problems with my van -- lots of grinding -- so I took it into the shop last week to be looked at. A mechanic came into the waiting room and told me I have a bad rack. I looked down at my chest and said "Really?" Haha. Just kidding. It was a joke. A bad one. I'm a dork. But really, I do have a bad rack and, to replace it properly, it will cost me $1800. Scandalous!

You see, I have zero-effort power steering. Not that I need it...regular power steering would be fine. But when I first had a driving evaluation, the instructor thought it would be easiest for me. So that's what they went with. Now, to replace the customized rack, it has to be ordered, shipped up to Vermont, altered, and shipped back down. A turn-around time of over a week and $1800! I could kick that stupid instructor. So I wrote a $900 check for a deposit and will have to pay the rest when the work is finished.

The funny part, if there really is a funny part, is that the mechanic asked me, "Do you want to think about it for a few days? I know it's a big expense." Please. It's not like I can shop around for a second opinion. What other outfit works on modified vehicles? It's too expensive to be disabled these days. I don't want to do it anymore.

So until the new rack is shipped, I've been buying power-steering fluid like a junkie buying heroine. It drains right through. I fill it up before I go anywhere and I leave trails of sticky yellow fluid behind me. That part can't get here soon enough! I'm tired of spending money on my poor van. Just two weeks ago, I had to pay $525 to get the shlep replaced. That's right -- I said shlep. Shlep. That's the wire that pulls the door open and closed. Either that's the dumbest name for a car part or I have a crooked mechanic.

'We'd love to see you smile, sir'

Oh, this is hilarious! You've got to read it all. Do it now. I think bathroom attendants should be standard in all fast-food restaurants. Maybe they'd be cleaner.

I believe there is a dog on my head

A car two houses up the street was blown up at 5 a.m. this morning. We have brown water running out of the faucets. I showered in it. These two facts are completely unrelated. Just thought I'd share how my day is going.

Music lover

My sister Stephanie is awesome, not only because she mailed me a package of Starbucks Chocolate Chocolate Chunk Biscotti for Valentine's Day, but also because she included her very own mixed CD full of Valentiney songs for my listening pleasure. AWESOME! Steph has had CD-burning capabilities for ONLY 2 OR 3 YEARS now and this is the first CD I've gotten. And I have made her at least 6 or more. Not that anyone is counting or anything. I'm not bitter. AWESOME!

So I ate biscotti this morning to celebrate Steph's new-found audio/technological talent. Her CD contains a bevy of marvelous songs including some Billie Holday, Norah Jones, Sarah Vaughan, Chris Isaak, Nina Simone, Jet, Cake, and more. I love it! I expect more CDs now. MORE!

Speaking of music, I've been meaning to do the following music meme for awhile now...at least since the funky Jeremy Gilby called me out about my lack of content.

Random 10 Albums Semi-Sorta Randomly pulled from my collection:

1. Long Time Coming - Jonny Lang
2. Beautiful Girls Soundtrack - Various Artists
3. Live Monsters - Big Head Todd and The Monsters
4. Monsters of Rock - Various Artists
5. Red Letter Days - Wallflowers
6. Ten Thousand Days - Bebo Norman
7. Stop All The World Now - Howie Day
8. Audioslave - Audioslave
9. There Will Be A Light - Ben Harper
10. Falling Forward - Willie Porter

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

I don't know. I think a little over 5.33 GB.

The last CD you bought is:

Poetry and Aeroplanes - Teitur

What is the song you last listened to before this message?

"Differences" - Ginuwine

Five songs that you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

1. I love "Poison" by Alice Cooper because it's freaky! Nasty and creepy! I love it. It reminds me of a fellow DJ in college who used to play it every radio show.
2. For some reason, I never get tired of listening to Counting Crows "Anna Begins" and "Black and Blue."
3. "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens is one of my most favorite songs. It means the most to me on a spiritual level.
4. As sappy as it is, "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain is a favorite. Reminds me of an exboyfriend. Bleh.
5. "Moments Like This" - Alison Krauss. This song is off the Twister soundtrack. Great lyrics:

It's in our power to face the storm with all its fury and madness
The flash of thunder roll behind us with a longing and sadness
The clouds will break.

Hold me. Whisper gently this is what we live for,
How we learn how we are, it defines us,
Ever reminding us that life never is more precious than this.
Hold me. Whisper gently that there's nothing to fear,
You'll always be near, to remind me, stand behind me
Although life can be rough we can never give up.

I have to leave my boyfriends Jonny Lang and Ben Harper off the list because I like every song of theirs.

Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (5 persons and why)

Kim because she's a big music lover.
R because I think we have similar taste.
Russ because he needs just one more opportunity to write about U2 and Bono.
Jeff Blazer because I'm very curious.
Tricia. Just because.

Panty Raider

Zeke likes to chew on things. I noticed I had a big hole in one of my slippers last night. And the other morning, he was attacking my underwear. I already had to throw away one pair that he tore up. If we keep going at this rate, I'll be going commando by next month. I'll keep you posted.

*UPDATE* - Grrr. This morning I had to throw away another pair of underwear...my favorite pair. This has to stop.

Loving you

Happy Valentine's Day. Oh, and don't forget to view this as part of your Valentine's Day experience.

Had me laughing

Why do I think this is so funny?! Ahahaha...

HOW TO put on a pullover without sticking your arms or head through the normal openings.

(Courtesy of Wired Magazine)

Update

So, I'm finally posting and NOT because I feel totally guilty for ignoring you all for the past two weeks and NOT because my sisters keep comlaining that now they actually have to call me to figure out how I'm doing. As long as we have that straight. You could listen to my excuses about how I've been busy at work or how we are selling the house or how I'm completely unmotivated, but is that really going to make you feel better about my absense? (And now there is at least one of you who is thinking to himself, "Allison was gone? She hasn't been posting?" Right-O. Glad you missed me.)

Thanks to Russ and Beverly for filling in for me while I was being lazy. I think Beverly really enjoyed it. She is addicted to blogs, you know. And did you notice how she likes to write about topics like suppositories and bikini waxing? Just think how fascinating she is to talk to in person.

So you know how I've been looking for a new job because the old job has been slowly dying for the past two years? Well, the old job recently got a new lease on life...a ten-year-lease on life. There will still be some lay-offs and I may eventually be among them, but right now, I've been super-busy at work. The whole dynamics of my job has shifted from database reporting to web development. I couldn't be more pleased about that. So we'll see what happens there.

I think my parents, whom I STILL LIVE WITH, have gotten tired of me running into things with my wheelchair and have decided to buy a more open house. I think it's a good plan. I'm getting tired of running into things too. You should see the black scuffs on my walls. I actually ran into the wall in the hallway one time when I was talking to Steph on the phone. Typically, I don't have a problem manuevering my wheelchair around, so I don't want to get any idiotic comments having to do with bad driving, etc. or I will curse your name, but I live in a standard colonial-type house with small doorways and narrow halls. To me, this move will be a freeing event.

Of course, buying a new house means selling the old. So I've been de-cluttering and cleaning like my life's depending on it. We had an open house yesterday for prospective buyers. Nothing says FUN like a house-full of strangers wandering about your bedroom and bathroom. No, I didn't think I could possibly stand that much fun. So I arranged to meet Kim and her fiancee for coffee and then went to Target with my friend Erin.

I will really try to be better about posting, but I really haven't been inspired lately. It's not that I can't think of what to write, it's just that often what to write isn't worth the effort it takes to do so.

Beverly-The Bet

So, Ally and I have had an ongoing bet that she reminded me of yesterday. A few months ago I asked her if she knew anyone that had ever gotten a bikini wax. She did not and so we spent a morning discussing the pros and cons of such a procedure. I have always had a mobid curiosity about this particular grooming habit and told her we should pay for someone to get it done so we could ask them every question we ever had about the subject. Well.....that someone somehow became me. However, I imposed a weight restriction. I must get to 160 pounds before my trip to the Caribbean in June. Ally will pay for it and I will offer up my body for excrutiating pain for the sake of not shaving for at least two weeks on vacation and to just be able to say I did it once in my life. I'm a little worried that I might really like. That was the case with eyebrow waxing. I hate how tedious plucking is so I tried waxing and in 2 quick rips, perfectly plucked eyebrows. Now I'm hooked.
Anyone have any experience with this?

Beverly-To Be Fair...

Well, Ally is bribing me to post again so I thought I would tell ya'll a little story about my own stupidity. I have a 99 Toyota Avalon, that I LOVE, that has all the bells and whistles including keyless entry. So, the other day I'm leaving the grocery store and I unlock the doors with the remote and open the rear passenger door to put my 3 year old daughter in her carseat. I dropped my purse, keys and purchases in the front passenger seat while I strapped her in, tightly. This was a fatal error. As I shut the door, I heard the most heart-dropping sound a mother who never wants to appear incompetent or STUPID, could hear. ALL four doors of my beloved car LOCKING.

As I suppressed the urge to vomit and hide, I thought, It's OK. She gets out of her carseat all the time. I'll just talk to her through the completely closed window and tell her to get out of her seatbelt and unlock the door for mommy. This will not cost me $100 to a locksmith and we will be on our way in no time. So, I press my hands and face as close to the glass I can get(so passerbys don't hear me begging my kid to open the door for her stupid mother) and I proceed to beg her to undo her seatbelt and unlock the door for mommy. A little history on her. She gets out of her seatbelt ALL THE TIME. However, today her super powers were diminished by the bronchitis running through her body which would rear it's ugly head later that afternoon in the form of a 100 degree fever and a horrible, hacking cough.

So after about 10 minutes of pleading with her, she decides to stop making eye contact with me! Nothing could make her look my way. Not promises of McDonald's, ice cream or candy. Nothing. She was officially ignoring the crazy woman desperately knocking on the window, right next to her HEAD. Then, guess what. She starts to go to SLEEP!

By this time I realize that reinforcments are needed. I try my darling baby brother, the world's greatest mechanic, who had the day off and had no luck. Then I returned my friend Christy's call and asked her if she would like to join me in the parking lot (hopefully distracting the passerbys by making them think I meant to be standing outside of my car.) She, being the sweetie she is, gasped in horror and then laughed at me. So, who do I call next? My accountant, of course! "Hi Ray. I'm going to be late today. Yeah, Shaylah is locked in my car with the keys and I can't get in." So he, being the intelligent man he is says, "Well, why don't you call 911? Your child is locked inside the car." Oh the genius of some people.

So I put in the call and in my most sheepish of voices asked the kind woman on the other end to please send some help. I knew the response time would not be long as the fire station was less than 1/2 a mile down the road. Sure enough, 60 seconds later, I can hear them coming. Why could I hear them? Because they had all lights and sirens blaring. All of them.

The one time I want no attention called to myself, I get it all. So, from the 1 police car and the biggest engine in the fire company, 8 people pour out. One guy had what looked like 10 or 12 straigtened wire coat hangers in his hand. I was a little unimpressed with his equipment but who was I to judge. I'm sure they unlock lots of car doors using those little wires everyday. I'm sure I'm not the only stupid person out there that locks their kid in the car. So he starts working at the drivers side door while everyone else stands around and watches him struggle.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, my savior! My white knight! A gentleman carring a long, zippered bag containing the miracle tool that will free my child from the clutches of my car. He swoops in with a hurried, " S'cuse me miss." and unzips the bag and pulls out a neon yellow rod, specially bent on both end, along with a plastic wedge to pry open the top of the door and an inflatable heavy-duty rubber thingie to hold the door open further. After a few attempts with the rod(and the alarm going off) he opens the door and I swoop in tho get my baby to comfort her. She is emotionless. She just did not care what was going on. I was more upset by this than she ever will be.

So, later on that day I baked the folks over there at the station an apple cake with carmel sauce and dropped it off. The lesson to be learned in all of this is this- If your are going to lock your keys in the car, make sure your child is also in there as to avoid a hefty fee charged by a locksmith.

Beverly

Since Allison is taking a little break right now(lazy, lazy girl) I thought I'd help out a little bit with the entertainment over here. I work in a pharmacy and am always amazed at how stupid some people are. Last night I'm ringing a woman up and she asks me how to keep her ear drops from falling out of her ears while she putting them in. I think maybe she wasn't lying flat on her side, maybe she had a pillow under her head or something else like that. So I suggest lying completely flat on her side either on the bed or the sofa and waiting 10 or 15 minutes before getting up. So she looks at me like I'm a genius and says, "Ohhhh. I was standing up talking on the phone the first time. Maybe that was the problem. Thank you so much for your help." So she leaves completely happy and satisfied with my excellent custmer service while I proceed to tell my other two co-workers about how dumb some people are. This then starts them into telling their stories. My pharmacist definately topped the cake. A woman called him complaining that her suppository wasn't working and so he started asking her questions and came to realize that she was not removing the aluminum casing before inserting that bad boy. I wanted to die I laughed so hard. Those suckers could cut you. Then I started wondering how she got it out. You are supposed to put them pretty far up there. Who knows.

Here are 3 questions that you should never ask your pharmacy because WE DON'T KNOW:

Why is my co-pay so high?
Why isn't this medication covered on my plan? Note-Viagra, Cialis and Levitra are almost never covered. You guys gotta pay a pretty penny to have some fun.
My co-pay wasn't this much last time I get this. What's the problem?

There are thousands of plans out there and we are not privy to every change and nuance to everyones policy. These are the most annoying questions and we are asked them every single day. Just pay for your stinking drugs and go argue with your employer for not have a better plan for you.

ME = GUEST

GUEST AUTHOR RAD

Hello. I am Russ. I have been paid a massive sum of US dollars by Allison to be a guest author. I will not divulge how many monies, but I can only say that it is not less than $5,000 dollars. My fee is enormous and my time is valuable. Prepare yourselves friends.

Can I get a witness? How about an Amen?