Crying over you

I have a leaky eye again! It's nasty. I had the same problem last fall except it was much worse. Last fall, tears were actually streaming down my face for no apparent reason. I'd be in a meeting at work dabbing my eyes with tissues. People started thinking I was emotionally unstable. This year I seem to be having trouble with my right eye watering. Maybe it's allergies or something.

Bush vs. Kerry: The Drinking Game

The New York Post has posted the following rules for tonight's televised Presidential debate...

Democrats drink if Kerry:
Mentions Vietnam
Says "Bring it on"
Begins a sentence with "The truth is ..."
Brings up his Purple Hearts
Mentions WMDs
Says "stronger at home" and/or "more respected in the world"

Republicans drink if Bush:
Says "nuc-u-lar"
Refers to a "pre-9/11 mind-set"
Says "evildoer"
Squints
Uses "Saddam" and "al Qaeda" in the same sentence
Talks about "turning the corner"

Democrats drink twice if Kerry:
Rolls his eyes
Sighs
Invokes Bill Clinton

Republicans drink twice if Bush:
Makes up a word
Says Saddam "tried to kill my daddy"
Invokes Reagan

Everyone drinks if either candidate:
Uses the term "flip-flopped"
Says the other is bad for senior citizens
Mentions Bush's National Guard Service
Mentions the Swift Boat Veterans
Talks about "letting the terrorists win"

Everyone drains the bottle if:
Kerry sweats off his fake tan or uses the word "lock-box"
Bush calls John Edwards "the Breck girl" or mentions "weapons of mass destruction-related program activities"
Either brings up Ralph Nader

The longest meme ever

60 out of 200 isn't that great. I've bolded the ones I've accomplished. (via paved paradise)

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease

11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse.
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopting an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on.
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested

'Eyebrows of Mass Destruction'

"Bushier-browed candidates have lost the popular vote in the last four presidential elections, according to the nation's capital's experts on grooming. In a recent survey by Grooming Lounge, 92 percent of respondents say Senator John Kerry has the most pronounced 'eyebrows of mass destruction' of the two candidates. 'In order to prevent history from repeating itself, we believe Kerry needs to have his eyebrows groomed,' said Mike Gilman, co-founder of Grooming Lounge. 'We would recommend waxing or trimming them to reduce the furriness and give Kerry a better shot at winning over the public." (Reliable Source)

Have you checked the state of your eyebrows lately? Apparently, they can make all the difference in the world. Keep the furriness at bay!

Bush's eyebrows
Kerry's eyebrows
Eyebrow Grooming for Men
Sean Connery's Eyebrows
Men who wax their brows

UPDATE: And while we're on the subject of grooming, check out the Grooming Lounge's helpful solutions for other embarrassing problems:

Breath
Unibrow/Backhair
Nosehair
Athlete's Foot
Grooming Gaffes

2009

Please, people. It's not like Jay Leno is retiring tomorrow. We've still got five year of his silly banter left. So calm down! Now if Letterman was retiring, then we'd have a crisis on our hands...

As if it's not expensive enough

Ack! No way! Starbucks coffee prices are about to rise 11 cents due to increased costs for sugar and coffee. This is bad news indeed. I stop at Starbucks at least once a week. During the summer, I order a tall light Coffee Frap. When the weather turns cooler, I switch to a tall latte. If I stopped buying Starbucks, I'd have over an additional $120 bucks per year at my disposal.

Weekend update

I bought 4 new bras this weekend. Too much information, you say? Please. That doesn't even begin to scrape the surface of all the personal things I could tell you about my life. It gets way worse. Well, as a result of my purchases, I'll be in a much better mood.

I watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition with my mom last night. I've never cried so much during a show like this. We were both sobbing like babies.

Although I am somewhat ashamed to admit it, I watched part of the Barbara Walters interview with Mary Kay Letourneau, the teacher who went to prison for having an affair with her student. I can't stand Barbara Walters. I'm so glad she's retiring. The best part of the interview was when Barbara asked in her nasally voice, "Mary, have you and Vili been intimate since you've been released from prison?" She replied, "You know, the best thing about my life right now is that I don't have to share that information." I thought she was well-spoken. I also think she's messed up in the head. But then again, so is Barbara Walters.

I'm quite excited that Steph has been fairly consistent (much more than I) this past week with the posting. I hope she keeps it up.

Gum-prodder

I've never liked going to the dentist. It's not that my dentist is cruel. I've just has such problems with my teeth over the years. After five or six extractions, two impacted teeth, braces, and retainers, I think I've sufficiently lined my destist's pockets.

I had an appointment for a cleaning yesterday and the minute I smelled that icky dentist smell--you know, the latex-toothpaste-cleanser combination--I felt sick. And, ooooh, the blood! My dental hygienist is obviously a demon in disguise, practiced in the art of scaling torture. As I sat there staring up at her beady eyes while she was tearing up my gums, I can honestly say I HATED her.

"Miss Barnes, make sure you're flossing and using Listerene. There's a little bit of blood here." (Quite an understatement, because the last time I saw THAT much blood was during Ghost Ship.) I responded with a nod because she was busy prodding my gums with sharp tools. However, inside I was fumming. Obviously, this crazy lady had no idea how obsessive I am about dental hygiene. I carry floss with me and even own my own scaler, for goodness sake! If she didn't want to see blood, she should've stopped sticking her pick ax in my gums!

Torture, I tell you. This woman should work for the government. My only comforting thought is that I've got six whole months to go before my next visit.

Link of the week

Mikesdocuments.com is a website established for the express purpose of backing up Mike's computer system. However Mike has no stored documents online. Ironic, don't you think? I did enjoy his Rembrandt picture though and really think everyone should stop by and sign his guestbook for kicks.

Skinny singles

A new study has determined that women who live by themselves are less likely to become obese. That makes sense to me. When you live with people, there is more food floating around the house.

At first, I thought it said single women. So I asked my hips, "Hips, did you not get the memo? We are single! We are not supposed to be gaining weight!" Then my hips informed me that I had not understood the study properly. (It really is a low point when you realize your hips are better readers than you.)

Brand-name bags

I just read an article in the New York Post about a service that allows women to rent purses at a monthly fee. For $100 a month, you can rent a Dolce & Gabbana and Bottega Veneta bags and simply return them when you want more. $100 a month! I wouldn't have enough money to eat, but hey, at least I'd have stylish purses. Please.

No words

I'm exhausted. I'm thinking of taking a short vacation from this site. Whether I do so or not...well, I'll decide tomorrow. I may be suddenly motivated. But right now, I have no energy to write. :(

I've got the redesign bug too. Stay tuned...

Christmas in September

I had a job interview yesterday so I took the day off work. I actually pulled out all the stops and dug out my grey "interview" outfit, put my hair up, and wore my geekiest glasses. Glasses make me look smart. Without them, I look like a dummy. And who wants to hire a dummy?

I had to sit in traffic for an hour and park 3 blocks away but I made it to the interview on time. 45 minutes later, I was on my way back to my van, but when I got in and happened to glance at myself in the rear-view mirror, I just about passed out. Although my hair was pulled up into a bun-thing, the loose strands around my forehead and face had curled into large cork-screws. I'm not referring to dainty Nicole-Kidman-type tendrils. They were sticking straight out in large, frizzy chunks! This is what the humidity out here does to me, people! Bad hair! And who wants to hire someone with bad hair?!

I can only hope the remainder of the candidates have worse hair than I. Maybe I have a fighting chance.

After the interview, I celebrated my bad hair by going shopping and buying expensive sweaters at Hecht's. I'm a terrible shopper and really don't enjoy the activity too much. I like to run in, get what I need, and leave. As a result, I'm not much of a bargain hunter. "Oh, look. $44 sweaters. Oooh. They're soft. I'll take two."

After I had spent a considerable amount at Hecht's, my bad hair and I moved on to Bath and Body Works where I bought smelly lotions and over-priced pumpkin spice air fresheners.

My day was complete when I came home and found packages on my doorstep -- one containing my brand new Kensingtonway-too-expensize-but-nothing-but-the-best-for-Allison trackball to replace my dead one. All these new products! It's just like Christmas! ...except it's my money.

More on Israel

I've been keeping up with Jay Nordlinger's reports from Israel. Today, he wonders why Israel is generally hated by the world. Anyone who watched the opening ceremony of the Olympics knows that Israel received a cool reception in Athens.

Finally, I want to return to Metullah. At the dinner, I met a friendly couple — the parents of our host, the apple grower. (In fact, the father is an apple grower too — it is a family business.) The father doesn't speak much English, but his wife told me about his family. He was born in Germany. His mother had four children. All of her children — all four — were taken from her and murdered. Her husband, too, was taken from her and murdered. Her mother and father were murdered. Her grandmother was murdered before her very eyes.

How do you go on from that? How can you possibly bear to live? Think of that, next time you consider yourself unlucky — think of that woman, and her four children, and her husband, and her parents, and her grandmother. And then think that she was not all that extraordinary.

Anyway, this woman married someone. She was about 40. She met a man who wanted to marry her, and they did. They had three sons — one born in Germany, the next two in Israel. All of them married. They had two children each. So that woman had six grandchildren. And she lived to a relatively advanced age.

This is how I think of Israel: a determination to live, in spite of the worst. A refusal to surrender to death. A refusal to succumb to evil. A decision to live. To keep living. To choose life, not death. To go on.

Gahhhh!

Marion Barry, former D.C. mayor and crackhead, has somehow managed to get himself back in D.C. politics. The man is either an unstoppable force one step down from Superman or the residents of the nation's capital are the stupidest people to ever set foot in a voting booth. Either way, we'll never get rid of him now.

Oh for the love o' beer

Beer in moderation is good for us? My grandmother could have told you that. She had a cold Coors Original every night until she died. Unfortunately, beer doesn't cure emphysema.

Only the good die young, eh?

Allison: Hello?
Bev: Hey, do you who died 8 years ago today?
Allison: Uh... no.
Bev: Come on. Listen to the music playing in the background.
Allison (listening): Awww. That crap? Don't tell me that's Tupac.
Bev: Yes! I could tell you where I was the moment he died.
Allison: Yes, I've heard that story.
Bev: I was torn up.
Allison: So the main reason you're calling me is to tell me Tupac died 8 years ago today?
Bev: Yes. And my children aren't in the car so I can listen to thug music.
Allison: You should probably call someone who would be more sympathetic to your pain. Like that girl you were with when you found out the dreadful news.
Bev: Ah. Marisa. Good idea. Bye.

Impromptus

My favorite quote that I've read all day:

As far as looking for democracy in the Arab world is concerned, "That is like sending a blind man into a dark room to look for a black cat that isn't there."

Jay Nordlinger is over in Israel for the week. It makes for a fascinating column. I've always wanted to go to Israel.

My pink pooper

Zeke is a pooping machine. It's crazy for such a small dog. And now he's a pink pooping machine. Whenever he gets frightened, he runs off leaving a trail of poop behind him. It would almost be funny if he wasn't running through the house all the time. And just when I think he's got nothing left to poop, he proves me wrong. Oh, so wrong.

Last night, I came home late, let Zeke in, and went to bed. Around 5:30 this morning I awoke to hear the tags on his collar jingling. This is not unusual. He often wakes up early and plays with my socks or chews his bone. So I called him in my sultry bedroom voice (which really sounds like a hoarse owl screeching) but he wouldn't come.

Next, I smell this awful odor. "Surely he didn't just relieve himself on my bedroom floor," I thought. I sat up in a daze, searching the floor for dog poop. I couldn't see anything. Of course, I couldn't. Looking in a dark room for a dark blob on the dark floor proves counter-productive. So I thought maybe the smell of dog poop was all in my head. (I imagine weird things all the time. In fact, that's why I have to wear my glasses when I drive at night otherwise mailboxes and other inanimate objects come to life and dart across the road.)

So I fell back asleep and left his little present on the floor for someone else to clean up. I can't believe that little stinker couldn't hold it for one more hour. I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go.

P.S. -- This is the last time I'll write about my neurotic dog for awhile, I swear. I used some form of the word 'poop' 7 times in this post.

Normal like you

I'm excited that I've got a job interview next week. Applying for jobs is the easy part though. Now I have to contact the organization and let them know that "Oh, by the way, I'm in a wheelchair. I'm assuming accessibility won't be a problem... How is parking, elevators, door widths, etc?" The hard part is getting there, especially since it is in the bowels of D.C. where there are parking meters and garages instead of nice, big lots with van accessible spaces. And these types of issues are the tip of the iceburg. Of course, I'll be charming and witty as always, but I can't begin to tell you how much I hate being handicapped. Ugh. I even hate the word 'handicapped.'

Another Zeke story

I've never seen a dog that enjoys mud more than Zeke. Obviously, he doesn't have enough sense to take shelter when it starts pouring down rain even after we installed a doggy door that leads into our deck. Other dogs have dog houses; Zeke has a fully air conditioned/heated deck at his disposal! And yet he'd still rather lie down in the yard on his woodpile or mud puddles.

One can only clean up paw prints, bug parts, and wet leaves so often before corrective action must be taken. So my dad developed a plan to decrease the amount of mud in the backyard. Unfortunately, grass will not grow in the shady spots where Zeke prefers to lie, so mulching the muddy spots seemed the way to go. Who else mulches mud? Just my family.

So my parents took the truck out and bought approximately 5 truckloads of some sort of red, wood mulch. Dad spent the majority of the past weekend spreading mulch across the base of the yard. And he was just in time too... We've been getting the remnants of Hurricane Frances in the form of rain.

After a day of rain, I came home yesterday afternoon to welcome a wet dog inside. Wet, but NOT MUDDY. The really fascinating thing was that he was red from lying on the mulch! Red is better that brown, right? I mean, who else has a red dog?* Just my family.

*Clifford doesn't count, smarty pants.

Unfortunate Moments in Pop Culture

Woohoo! For a good laugh, you may want to check out Ben Kepple's Top Ten Unfortunate Moments in Pop Culture. While all are certainly despicable, I especially agree with number 9: Alanis Morrissette Releases "Ironic." Whomever wrote the song obviously didn't understand irony in the least.

It is true that one could interpret Ms Morrisette’s lyrics as an indictment of certain Canadian societal trends. Ms Morrisette, after all, is Canadian, and while Canada claims to have a health care system, it is not really a health care system at all. However, the fact that Canada failed to do anything about this immediately after her song was released is prima facie evidence that “Ironic” is not a Cultural Watershed. Instead, it is just crap.

Kepple is genius.

Real men

We live in an unmanly age. That might sound strange given all the violence, both real and fictional, in America today, but that's because people mistake macho for manliness. Hollywood's stereotypes, for example, seem to run from wimp to grunting killer, with nothing in between.
Manliness has nothing to do with aggressive behavior, loud talk and muscle shirts. If we are going to stick with Hollywood for examples, then manliness is personified by Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Chuck Norris in their private lives. All three are men of proven toughness ... yet all three are quiet, unassuming gentlemen.
'Gentlemen' is the key word. In the traditional definition, a gentleman was a Christian knight — brave and bold, even fierce, in combat, but humble, generous, kind and, above all, honorable.

— Charley Reese, writing on "Unmanly Age," Saturday at www.lewrockwell.com

Weekend update

How I spent my Labor Day Weekend:
1. I watched An Officer and A Gentleman with a few friends who had never seen it before. That movie is classic 80s. You have to see it at least once. Lou Gossett Jr. makes the perfect drill sargeant. He cracks me up.

2. I finally plucked my eyebrows. It had been awhile. They were getting all bushy to the point where my male friends were actually beginning to badger me about them. And guys usually never notice anything... It had been so long since I last plucked them that I forgot how I usually do it. I ended up over-plucking, so they're really thin. They still look great though. It's a big improvement.

3. I applied for a job at a certain conservative, libertarian think-tank in D.C. I would love to work for this organization. I hate to get my hopes up too high because the only result I've had from any application is COMPLETE AND UTTER REJECTION!

4. I watched an independent movie called Me Without You about two friends who grow up together and eventually realize their friendship is really unhealthy. It's a crazy movie with lots of English accents, cigarettes, and boob shots, but I loved it. I think it was so appealing to me because of the friends I've had in my life. As I've grown older, I've changed and certain friendships that were once so invaluable to me have proven worthless or dysfunctional at best. This movie makes the statement that not being able to preserve a friendship at all costs isn't a moral failing.

5. My parents and I headed down south to Colonial Beach, Virginia, a small town on the shores of the Potomac River. Here we took lots of photos and sat on the beach until it started pouring down rain. It's always fun to watch big people in bathing suits dive for cover. We ate fried shrimp, fried scallops, and fried oysters and then drove home for a dinner of fried okra and fried yellow squash. Anxious to eat something not saturated in grease, I devoured a nice big piece of homemade zucchini bread for dessert.

A bathroom story

I've never been a huge fan of decorative accessories in bathrooms such as embroidered towels and pink shell soap. I have nothing against these accessories in principle, however, every bathroom I've ever had has been too small or ugly to employ such tools in good taste. A few years ago, I bought my first matching bathroom set: a blue, green, and beige floral shower curtain, a porceline soap dispenser, a cup-thingy, and a white floral-embroidered hand towel. For the first time, I actually have a decent-looking bathroom.

A year later, I began noticing that the embroidered hand towel was no longer white... It was beginning to turn a dingy color and always appeared rumpled. Was somebody actually USING my DECORATIVE hand towel?

Appalled at the thought of this, I asked my friend Beverly if it was possible some brute, ignorant of all socially acceptable behaviour, was drying his hands on it. She was equally appalled and insisted it stay clean. She washed and bleached the dinginess out of the towel and hung it back up, this time with a note over it:

This hand towel is strictly decorative only. Please do not dry your hands on it. Instead, use one of the 6 other towels hanging about the bathroom. Thanks. -The Management

Personally, I wouldn't have posted a note. That seems a little neurotic and defeats the purpose of have a pleasant-looking bathroom. Decorative towels with ugly notes above them really don't look any more pleasant that dingy hand towels. Since the note was posted, the Hand Towel Debate has been raging amongst my friends and guests. Some say social etiquette like this should be understood, especially when other towels hang in the bathroom. Others say it's stupid to have a hand towel hanging by a sink that can't be used.

Regardless of what is correct and/or socially acceptable, I find the whole debate increasingly funny. Today, I looked up and saw a new note taped over the old one:

Please use this hand towel to dry your hands as often as possible. I mean, who puts one of these up "just" for decoration anyway??

I Want A New Drug

A coworker of mine just came into my office today and spent 20 minutes telling me about her chance encounter with Huey Lewis in a hotel bar in Atlantic City this past Monday. Meeting him has been her dream in life. "If you visualize your dreams and desires over and over again, they'll come true," she said.

Obviously, I'm not visualizing the following things hard enough:
1. Where's my sugar daddy? Concentrate, Allison. Sugar daddy... Sugar daddy...
2. My six-figure dream job.
3. My 4-story mansion (complete with firepoles and slides) on my 300-acre ranch/commune in Montana.

RNC Review

One of the few politicians in the state of Maryland I'm not profoundly embarrassed about is Lt. Governor Michael Steele, one of the few Black Republicans in office. His speech last night was perhaps the highlight of the night. It's a shame nobody saw it. Arnold's speech was good, so was Laura Bush's, and the twin Bush girl's was mortifying. (I was cringing and praying they'd remove themselves quickly, especially after the lame jokes about their family and the giggles and...ugh, basically all of it.) Yes, definitely my favorite speech was Steele's.

We constantly hear about how the GOP is desperately trying to appeal to minorities by placing speaker like Steele in view. But last night, he had a message that deserved to be taken seriously. He made arguments about why he is a Black Republican and why others should be too. Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:

What truly defines the civil rights challenge today isn't whether you can get a seat at the lunch counter. It's whether you can own that lunch counter in order to create legacy wealth for your children.

I realize that my responsibility for [my kids] doesn't end when I bundle them up, kiss their foreheads and send them off into the world. If we expect to succeed, if we expect our children to succeed, we must look to ourselves and not to government to raise our kids, start our business, or provide care to our aging parent. What government can do is give us the tools we need and then get out of the way and let us put our hopes into action!

A lifelong Democrat, [my mom] once asked me how I could become such a strong Republican; I simply replied "Mom, you raised me well."
You see, she raised me to understand and appreciate the words of Abraham Lincoln, who said: "You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by encouraging class hatred. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and incentive. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they should do for themselves."
These are the beliefs of our Republican Party. These are the principles that drew me to this Party 28 years ago.

He's good.

I want my PBS

I didn't watch the first night of the Republican National Convention, but I really wanted to hear Michael Steele, Lt. Gov. of my home-state of Maryland. So at 9 p.m. I flipped on my TV and, after realizing that none of the networks were carrying the speeches until 10, I went channel surfing in desperate search for PBS. PBS always carries stuff like this. "PBS will not fail me," I thought.

Apparently, I have the only TV in the world that does not have PBS. I could not find PBS. PBS was missing! Oh, for the love of Michael Steele, where was PBS?! How anyone can not get PBS is a total mystery to me. It's like not having a rear-view mirror in your car or not having peanut butter in the pantry! Come on! It's standard.

I have basic cable on my TV and, when I say basic, I mean BASIC. I mean $6 a month basic. So basic, in fact, that I get the network stations, a local news channel, and E!. So when I say I was watching something on cable, that translates into "I was watching them E! True Hollywood Stories again." But not having a lot of stations never bothers me because I don't watch much TV. The main reason I have cable is for my Internet connection. But it's just wrong that I can't get PBS.

So I continued my PBS search and found another TV that was hooked up to an antennae. I found it! The holy grail of television! Except the picture was incredibly bad and the sound was all static-y. I watched it anyway and it was so worth the trouble.