Give Russ The Glad Hand

Here is a picture of my hand. There is no need to adjust your screen. This is the actual size of my hand. It’s minuscule compared to Allison’s. I didn’t say anything about my teeny hands before because I was so embarrassed.

Now that Allison has a complex about her freakishly small hands, I thought I would fess up about my midget hands. I don’t shake hands much because even children’s hands dwarf mine. I don’t even hi-five anyone. I can barely hold a pen or pencil. Mittens do not fit me right. Hand models scorn me.

I am a 30-year-old normal-sized man with teeny hands. Even respected doctors refuse to examine me, for I am 1 in 100,000,000 with a condition known as SDHS (Stunt Diminutive Handy Syndrome).

It is as if a burden has been lifted.