Coon poop and other treasonist behavior

I politely asked Zeke to go outside last night before bed and he went scampering off in the general direction of the doggie door. (He's so smart. He picks up words so quickly.) I heard the click of the door and then three yelps and he was running back inside. "What now?" I thought. Was there a giant squirrel looming out on the deck? After investigating this morning, my father determined that Zeke had run into a raccoon looting our birdfeeder. Poor Zeke. The raccoon was likely 3 or 4 times Zeke's weight. And not only did that stinkin' raccoon devour all the birdseed, he also left a massive pile of poop littered with birdseed under the feeder. Raccoon poop!

My poor father. Not only are we in possession of the most fearful dog in America who will not pull his weight by intimidating small rodents, but now my father has to clean up raccoon poop. I think he expected Zeke to be his ally in the War on Squirrels. To be honest, I'm kinda waiting for Zeke to put the squirrels through a training camp on how to use the doggie door properly and bust into the house. The squirrels would capture Dad's WMD water cannon and then we'll be seeing some real excitement.

*Note - I apologize for posting about poop again.