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I've been attempting to clean up my music collection lately. In the past, I've always lived by the Two Hit CD Rule: Thou shalt not purchase any CD that does not have at least two very good songs on it. Inevitably, now I've got all these "two-hit-wonders." (i.e. Spacehog, The Verve Pipe) So last night, I uploaded a bunch of songs to my computer and will be getting rid of the albums.
Now the time has come to create another AllieMix. Every so often, I take my recent purchases and mix a CD so wonderful and powerful that I cannot keep it to myself. I have a distribution list. So, Internet, I have a special offer for you today. If you email me a haiku* specifically about (1) me or my website or (2) you or your website (and your mailing address), I will graciously burn you a copy of my latest mix AND include a crap CD I'm trying to get rid of! All at NO cost to you, the reader! Act quickly as crap CDs are limited.
Disclaimer: I will take no responsibility for the physical quality of the CD upon arrival or the lack of good taste I have in music. Your haiku must be original. Unworthy haikus will be conveniently 'accidently' deleted from my inbox and your address and personal info will be sold to marketing companies everywhere.
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* A Haiku is a three line poem that contains 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second, and 3 to 5 syllables in the last line. Most Haikus house deep, thought- provoking emotions or wise observations about life. But that doesn't mean you can't write about your coffeepot.
My morbid example:
Smiling as we mourn
She knows secrets we do not
As death becomes her
I sent you one more
That I didn't want to post here
One scandal's enough
(I'm really going to bed now...)
Posted by: Kim at August 1, 2004 12:56 AMI am so happy
When everything lets me down
I still make me laugh
(I doubt my students
Had as much fun as me when
I made them write these)
I could write haikus
All night if I wanted to
But church is early
To bed I should go
So that I can get some sleep
Before my clock beeps
Allison, my friend,
Do you wish that you had not
Told me to post a
Haiku so I could
Get a mix CD from you
Now that I've posted
So much more than you
Had wanted me to post here
When I left your house
After we watched the
1983 special
Movie called Flashdance
I think I am smart
More so than the average Jane
But where are my keys?
"Eminem is mine.
Keep your hands off, dirty whore,"
I snarled at her.
I live with my mom
And eat people's leftovers
Because I am poor
Penn and Teller's show
Bullsh*t is where I saw clips
Of penis puppetry
But not Allison
Who has weird friends like me, she
Almost saw it live
With her oldest friend
Nicole who went to the same
High school as Blazer
Or so I am told
By Allison when I said
In Clinton Jeff lived
Most of your readers
Won't comprehend my haikus
But I know you will
Guess what I just saw?
Puppetry of the penis
Allison saw more
Allison chuckles
With her fakest of laughter
Thinking you are dumb
RADHOLE, the dwelling
of some wacky freak-genius.
Shoot the moon, brotha!
But I will post mine here after all:
Hey Allison B.
This is a Haiku for you
Rub yourself with it
My toaster is wet
It toasts the wheat bread no more
I need some toast NOW
radhole for people
Where truth and fiction collide
It taunts you. So there
I see you there fool
Flipping through the funny page
Yous can’t read at all
Hula-hoops are fun
I spin and move and fall down
Again comes vomit
Road rage is not fun
A gun pointed at my head
Those cops are bastards
I eat paper bags
Because they taste like liquor
Paper or plastic?
Whoopee I’m free dawg
No more jail for me bee-hutch!
Yo sly, let’s go rob!
Allie stares me down
The hatred in her eyes scares
Me down to the bone
I know a sweet girl
Who makes me blush coz I’m shy
Allie completes me
AB in da house!
She shows me how it is done
I slobber in stupe
Milk is good for you
Let it spill all down your front
Somewhere a cow cries
Janitors are nice
They clean your shit and your filth
Worship them like God
Allie loves crabmeat
The tasty treat was alive
Seafood murderer
radhole is my site
Luscious and full of the life
I have three readers
I fell into a
Burning ring of the radhole
Like that one damn song
I use it a lot
One whole roll per bowel movement
I love soft TP
I emailed my submission.
Posted by: RAD at July 30, 2004 11:47 AM"There once was a man from Nantucket..."
Oh...you said *haiku*, not limerick.
Posted by: david at July 30, 2004 08:15 AMbutbutbut...i can't write haiku! *cry*
Posted by: beck at July 29, 2004 07:04 PMWhat Haiku klux klan?
What white hoods and master plan?
The beat goes on.
(I broke from the rules, but I think it ironic that poetry has rules)
Posted by: Jeff Blazer at July 29, 2004 06:12 PMbarnesae-at-hotmail-dot-com
Posted by: Allison at July 29, 2004 04:39 PMBoo Hoo!!! When I click "Contact" all I get is a pop-up saying "You cannot perform this operation as the default mail client has not been properly installed" WHATEVER!
Ok, here's another submission:
Allison will live
To provide wit and info
A bright moment, a dull day.
Grounded, yet flying
By the seat of her hot-pants
Allison lives!
Hey, do you still have my Thicke CD? That better not be one of your 'crap CDs'...
Posted by: Steph at July 29, 2004 03:44 PMPsst! NotRight,
Allie's E-mail address is the "Contact" button in the header.
Its a secret.
And you never heard this from me! If you breath a word of it, I'll deny it.
No CDs required, just doing this for fun
If you rip them all to your drive and then a little gremlin decides to eat it, all of your music will be gone... It may be worth you getting an external hard drive for a backup solution...
Posted by: Chris at July 29, 2004 03:04 PMI do not have your email address...so here is my stab at haiku:
Working everyday
At a thankless job
Stifles the soul
I love Verve Pipe...and other one hit wonders! I'm such a mix CD fan!
Posted by: NotRight at July 29, 2004 02:40 PM